Step-Family Relationships: Are They Important?

As we sat sharing our third bottle of prosecco under the Saturday afternoon sun, I thought, “I could actually be friends with you.”

Ok, I’m not desperate for friends, and there were four of us enjoying the fizzy stuff at the time. But this is my ex-husband’s wife of 13 years, so why would she be at our house and why were we laughing and joking in the warm spring sunshine?

Because we invited them over for a Father’s Day barbeque our daughter and her fiance wanted to host for both her dad and step-dad.

And there’s never been any of the stereotypical animosity between us, that’s why. There’s never been a need. Or a want.

We’re all good people and want the best for our daughter.

My ex and I parted when she was very young, and always vowed that our daughter’s well-being is the most important. Yes, of course, there’ve been times when we don’t agree on things. That’s natural. It’s not all ‘white picket fences’.

But we made damn sure we were always on the same page when it came to her.

I understand it’s not going to be easy for a lot of people, but if you don’t put your differences and egos aside, especially if you think it’s ok to air those differences in front of your children to try and make the other parent look bad, then all you’ll be doing is influencing how your child sees those important relationships.

And not in a good way.

You’re at risk of making them feel guilty for wanting to like or even loving the step-parent, too.

Yes, things aren’t always straightforward, but if there’s no reason to withhold contact with the other parent, there shouldn’t be a reason for not creating a positive and nurturing environment all around.

Did we get lucky being in this position? No, I don’t believe so.

We are here because we all worked at it with the right mindset. And together.

I think our daughter is the lucky one. And I’m very grateful for that.

She has four parents who have love, support and guide her. She has three younger brothers who adore her.

She has seven grandparents who think she’s the bee’s knees. And she has more uncles and aunts than you can shake a stick at.

So, yes, step-family relationships are important.

Because it takes a village.

And how did the barbeque go? Well, they only left at 1.30am…

That’s how it went.